I always have doubts about going through with this surgery. It is a major surgery and I have no idea what the outcome will be. I don't know if I will be worse, or if I will be better, or just stay the same. It doesn't help my fear that I got worse after my first surgery.
I don't know if I picked the right surgeon. There are a handful of great surgeons that treat FAI and Sampson is undoubtedly the best in the area, but it is also a very expensive surgery. A ton of money down the drain if I don't get any better. And maybe I should have gone with a surgeon that does open surgery because of the complexity of my hip problem.
Some days my hip feels just fine since I have gotten great at managing my pain. Yes, that means I can't do much besides sit around, but some days I forget that my hip is even a problem sometimes. Sometimes my other (left) hip aches instead. My other hip aches too because I also have dysplasia in my left hip and I think maybe I should have the PAO surgery instead of a scope.
The recovery process is so long and hard and do I really want to put myself through that again?
I also need surgery on my wrist. Should I have my wrist surgery first so that I can do my job and put off my hip surgery?
Then, I do too much. I walk to far, stand to long, lift something too heavy and my hip throbs so much and I cant walk any further and I am in too much pain to sleep that night. Or I get invited to a really fun event that I know I would never be able to navigate on my own without a wheelchair or Gavin to help me.
I definitively need the surgery but on the other hand I don't want to get my hopes up too much. If my hip improves at all, even a little bit, it will be worth the surgery. But, if I just get worse, will I regret the decision I made?
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