Sunday, November 13, 2011

Surgery Countdown: 17 Days to go

Doubts?  Yes I have those

I always have doubts about going through with this surgery.  It is a major surgery and I have no idea what the outcome will be.  I don't know if I will be worse, or if I will be better, or just stay the same.  It doesn't help my fear that I got worse after my first surgery.

I don't know if I picked the right surgeon.  There are a handful of great surgeons that treat FAI and Sampson is undoubtedly the best in the area, but it is also a very expensive surgery.  A ton of money down the drain if I don't get any better.  And maybe I should have gone with a surgeon that does open surgery because of the complexity of my hip problem.

Some days my hip feels just fine since I have gotten great at managing my pain.  Yes, that means I can't do much besides sit around, but some days I forget that my hip is even a problem sometimes.   Sometimes my other (left) hip aches instead.  My other hip aches too because I also  have dysplasia in my left hip and I think maybe I should have the PAO surgery instead of a scope.

The recovery process is so long and hard and do I really want to put myself through that again?

I also need surgery on my wrist.  Should I have my wrist surgery first so that I can do my job and put off my hip surgery?

Then, I do too much.  I walk to far, stand to long, lift something too heavy and my hip throbs so much and I cant walk any further and I am in too much pain to sleep that night.  Or I get invited to a really fun event that I know I would never be able to navigate on my own without a wheelchair or Gavin to help me.

I definitively need the surgery but on the other hand I don't want to get my hopes up too much.  If my hip improves at all, even a little bit, it will be worth the surgery.  But, if I just get worse, will I regret the decision I made?

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