Thursday, November 17, 2011

Surgery Countdown: 13 Days to go

Had my Physical today and my Dysplastic Life

I'm in great health and I am cleared for surgery.  I also had my first EKG which was exciting and my results were perfect.

I'm really looking forward to being able to do things again that I can't do now.  Yesterday I was reading these bulletins for all these dance classes that I would love to take.  Before my first surgery I was taking Ballroom dancing but it became too painful for me to continue.  Now I can't do much of anything besides sit.  Every step I take causes searing, burning pain in both my hips now, so I try to walk as little as possible.  I can't go to the grocery store, or Christmas shopping.  I can't do martial arts, rock climbing, go for a walk on the beach, or stroll through downtown San Francisco.  I know there are people worse off than me so I rarely complain about the things I can't do and I try to focus on the things I can do.  But right now I am going to tell you about the things I can't do so that after my surgery I can have a comparison.  Even if I can do a little more  than I can now, then I will have accomplished something great.

Right now, I can't even take a shower without sitting down.  I had to get an "old man" shower chair, as Gavin calls it, so that I could make it through a whole shower.  I also sit down when I do the dishes, brush my teeth, put on makeup, cook dinner, ect.  I have a lot of stools in my house.

If I leave my house I always bring my cane and my crutches just in case.  If I go to a restaurant or to a store I need my cane to support me while I walk and stand in line.  The only shopping stores I can go to are the ones that have power carts.  Otherwise if Gavin and I have to stop at a store I just wait in the car.  Luckily he lets me play Angry Bird on his cell phone.

Gavin and I have passed up vacations and outings because I can't do those things.  We were invited to go to Disney World in Florida but it would be exhausting for me and I would need my wheelchair and my crutches to get around.   I would rather go after my surgery when I am feeling better.  Also, I would have to put up with a lot of people staring at me and asking me questions.

One thing that I hate is all the questions people ask me.  Especially when they are rude and doubt how much pain I am in.  I hate it when someone tells me I cant use a power cart or I shouldn't be parking in handicap parking.  

I would love to go for a walk with Gavin and hold his hand.  We also want to get a dog but I wouldn't be able to walk it.

I also want to be able to exercise.  I can  exercise right now, by swimming or doing light exercising, but I would love to just be active and try new things. 

Not all jobs are available to me which make it really difficult to find a job.  I feel like so many doors have closed because I can't walk, stand, or drive far.  I hope I can at least feel good enough to be able to walk and stand somewhat so I can have more job opportunities.

Its really difficult to sleep when I am in so much pain.  There are a few positions that are more comfortable than others but if I move during the night, which most people do, I wake up in pain again and cant get to sleep.  I would just love a good nights sleep.

I also dread walking to the bathroom.  Those few steps are so painful but necessary.  I wish my bladder was huge so I wouldn't have to go to the bathroom so much.


I wish I could run downstairs and grab Gavin a glass of water, I do still do that sometimes, but it causes so much pain  When Gavin makes a request for me to get something for him on the other side of the house it is a difficult decision to make whether to go grab it or not.  I want to do everything for him like he does everything for me, but that walk across the house might put me in too much pain to sleep at night.

I hope after my surgery I can feel just a little bit better than I do now, and do just a little bit more.  That is all I want.  Anything else will just be a bonus. But, if I don't feel better, I can live with that too. 
What my future holds, I just don't know.  Especially since my other hip is beginning to ache all the time too. If I don't get better, I will just have to make permanent changes to my lifestyle and let go of any hope that I am going to improve.  Right now I am still holding on to that hope that I will get better.  

Going through all of this has really put life in perspective.  I can never take anything for granted now.  I may not be able to rely on my hips, but I still have my legs, my hands, my eyes, my ears, and my nose.  So I can be thankful for that.

No comments:

Post a Comment