Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Will you still be my friend?
I wish I could go for a walk with you, go to a concert, on vacation, and be your gym buddy, but I can't. I hope you can understand and you will still be my friend. I can show you how I did my latest painting if you want to paint with me, we can knit together, and play video games and I have a million movies I would love you to share with you. We can go get something to eat. Everyone has to eat.
Even though I don't look like I am in pain, and I don't say I am in pain it doesn't mean I am not in pain. I just don't want to complain. I know I look healthy, but just walking across the room feels like a marathon and going anywhere outside of my house feels like climbing a mountain.
I get tired more easily than most people. Just because I don't look tired and I don't tell you I am tired I actually am. I am just having so much fun hanging out with you I don't want to spoil the fun for either of us.
I have good days and bad days. I don't know how I will feel day to day. Just because I could go to the mall with you yesterday, doesn't mean I can go today. I hope you understand if I need to cancel plans and I hope you will still ask me to go do things.
I don't want you to think that I am lazy when you come over to my house and it is messy, or when I am at your house and I can't help you move a box. If I do too much then I will be in too much pain to sleep and then I will be too tired to do anything the following day.
I feel really embarrassed that I have to use a cane or crutches to walk. I feel really embarrassed when strangers stop me to ask what is wrong with me. I didn't ask for this and I just want to be a normal 26 year-old like you. I hope you're not embarrassed to be my friend.
I don't want to talk about my condition when I am with you. I spend all day talking about it with my doctors and my husband and thinking about it when I am by myself. I just want to hang out with you and talk about all the great things in your life.
I am worried you wont want to be my friend anymore because I am not much fun to hang out with. Even though I try to make my life as normal as possible, I know this is not how a normal 26 year-old lives. I am a 26 year-old stuck in an 80 year-old's body. On the inside I am still the same person. Will you still be my friend even though I am not the same on the outside?